Thursday, December 28, 2006

Happy Holidays

Hi everyone - I hope that everyone is having a good respite from work or stress or both. Since I know my base, I bring you a link today to the Top 10 Gayest Moments of 2006. Enjoy.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Now That the Party's Over...

I can reveal the items that I REALLY gave away for my DCVC white elephant gifts, one of which (I'm proud to say) was featured on Leno just one night before our fabled party.

First up, the Avenging Unicorn Playset

Yes, it is what it looks like...a unicorn that stabs annoying people with its horn. It actually comes with three annoying people and four horns, each of which brings a set of superpowers to the table (my favorite being speed reading). While this is a pretty awesome gift, it cannot hold a candle to the true gem of my Christmas season....

The Flying Slingshot Monkey (as seen on the Tonight Show)



This may be my all-time favorite gag gift. What this ad (and the packaging) don't tell you is that it screeches like a monkey when you let it go...loudly. Very loudly. I pranked a co-worker with this and let me tell you, nothing is better than hearing crazy monkey screeches in a cubefarm at 10am. Shout-out to stupid.com for supplying me with awesomely wierd gifts.

One more thing...you're not cool these days until you've seen this.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

It's a Christmas...er, Miracle?

So...happy holidays one and all. I already have a strange little holiday tale to tell. A couple of weeks ago I ordered a number of fun things from the website www.stupid.com and they were delivered to me thusly in a small USPS priority mail box. On Monday night, I left my cubicle and in my head said to myself, "I shouldn't leave this box here overnight...it might get taken." I picked up the box, my coat and my bag and set it on the counter in our ladies' restroom while I used the facilities. Then I picked up my stuff and left the office.

Cut to Tuesday night and me wandering around my apartment saying to myself, "What the hell did I do with that package?" Fade to Wednesday morning as I searched my car, cubicle and office bathroom to no avail. Then, I went on the offensive. I GUESS it's possible that someone picked it up by accident, but since it was in a box addressed to the one and only me, that seemed unlikely. First, I posted the following message to our internal company bulletin board:

Lost - Box of Wierd Stuff
Hi - I seem to have lost a medium-sized UPS box full of Christmas gifts and I'm desperately hoping that someone has found it. It may have been picked up by someone accidentally in the Colesville 7th floor women's restroom on Monday...that is the last place I remember having it with me. Items in the box include Japanese chewing gum, a pink elephant paper shredder/pencil sharpener, 3 voodoo toothpick holders* and a Sigmund Freud Action Figure*. If you have any idea of the whereabouts of this missing package, please contact me at x 5425 or send me an email. Thank you!

*Items changed to protect the identity of my DCVC white elephant gifts

Next, I called our security office and had them roll tape of me leaving the building on Monday night...with nary a package in sight. Suddenly it became clear...most likely someone stole my package while I was actually in the bathroom stall peeing, barely feet from the site of the theft. Who does that???

I posted a follow-up later in the afternoon:

Hi - Since it's looking less like my box of Christmas gifts was accidentally picked up and more like it was intentionally taken, I'd like to make one more appeal for its return. To anyone who may have it and is willing to return it (even if it was taken), please leave it on my desk or interoffice it to me and no questions will be asked. You can even keep one of the voodoo toothpick holders if you like. Thank you!

Hours passed without a peep. Finally, at the end of the day, I started to give up hope. The lost and found had found nothing....at least not my Sigmund Freud action figure. Nonetheless, I posted signs at the scene of the crime reading the following:

LOST:
One medium-sized FedEx box of Christmas gifts

What went missing?
3 voodoo toothpick holders, 1 Dolphin laser pointer, 1 pink elephant paper shredder and a Sigmund Freud Action Figure. This is not a joke…these are the real items I am missing. They were in a medium-sized FedEx box addressed to me care of Bob at www.stupid.com.

To whom do these treasures rightfully belong?
Sue O’Hora x5425, HC0704J

When did the box disappear?
Monday evening

From whence did it disappear?
Most likely it was taken from this bathroom (either by accident or on purpose). There is a chance that it was taken from my desk instead (also on this floor). Regardless, it is among the missing.

If you know what became of my beloved Christmas gifts, please let me know. If you’d like to remain anonymous, that’s fine…just return the box to my desk or interoffice it to me, no questions asked. You can even keep one of the voodoo toothpick holders…admittedly, they are pretty awesome.


I went home truly thinking that all hope was lost. I was ready to call Bob and re-order some of my lost treasures, yet I was pushed to further disappointment believeing that my re-order might not even make it here for the DCVC gift exchange. Why hath the gods of kitschy Christmas gifts forsaken me thus????

This morning I came in and there, next to my desk, was my missing package. It was completely intact and had one of my signs from the bathroom taped to it...no name, no idea how it found it's way back to me. I've since posted a "Thank you, whomever you are" message on our buletin board, but this whole experience has made me wonder. Did I actually manage to guilt someone into giving something back that was taken wrongfully? Did my feeble attempts at humor in my notes (versus anger) help this situation? Or did someone open up a box they thought was filled with legit toys and say "What the hell is this crap?" and return as you would a questionable gift to the store upon seeing that it was actually missed by someone? I will never know. I do know that I'm damn happy to have my elephant pencil sharpener/paper shredder back in time for Christmas though.